Beginnings

I suppose many bloggers begin their first post by opining on the value, purpose, nature of the medium. For those of us who are somewhat self-conscious about the idea of hoping, much less asking, for people to take a vested interest in our thoughts, yet somehow feel compelled to share those thoughts in a public forum, the experience of starting a blog is fraught. I have things to say. And I am humble (or realistic) enough to know that nothing I say can possibly be original. And yet I am arrogant (or attention-greedy) enough to suppose maybe whatever I type into this space will not be an utter waste of time for someone else to read. Certainly, it's not a waste of time for me. If I can gain perspective or insight from seeing my thoughts and feelings in concrete language, the exercise will not be fruitless. But that describes a journal. Journal writing is therapeutic and very useful for clarification and self-awareness.

A blog, however, is not a journal. Or, at least, I don't want to treat it that way. It is communication. It is me and another. I am writing with the belief that other minds will be engaging in and reacting to my words, whether or not those reactions are ever shared with me.

A blog is also, however, a stage. It is a performance. It has an 'audience.' I talk and you, should you choose, listen. It is not a conversation by normal definition. It may be a call and response, but it is not a dialogue. I have to engage you to want to listen. I have to have things to say that are worth your attention. Otherwise, it is just a journal.

Of course, I did not go to read any web articles about "how to blog." I am certain there is an Idiot's Guide to Blogging out there. And I shall never read it. So, my chances at 'success' are no doubt already greatly diminished. But, that is actually a perfect segue into introducing myself as a voice. I'm interested in being a 'success' but only on my own terms. For better and for worse.

I may make the effort to find studies and data to support the ideas and beliefs I will present. But I most likely will not. And for that reason, I will never presume to present my thoughts as authority or fact. They are my thoughts. Wrought from 42 years of experience and education. Examined by a brain with above average (or so I've always been told) capacity for analysis, synthesis and critical thinking. I have strong opinions. I also have weak opinions-- opinions that are unformed and tentative and questioning. And I'm as likely to write about the latter as the former. The latter actually tend to interest me more.

My writing, even for research papers in school, has always, always, tended to include an integration of my personal experience. Luckily, I generally received feedback from professors describing my papers as "refreshing," "unique," "insightful." I attribute that to being a decent writer and thinker, because otherwise I might have been told I was lazy and unfocused. On my senior thesis in undergrad, one of my professors commented, "You begin in a personal vein, as we have come to expect from Catherine; and although that is not customary in academic writing, it is an important aspect of your style. Clearly, Catherine, you are on the way to becoming a stylist--i.e. a writer--which is something rather rare. ... Your very personal approach to Thoreau is both a strength and a weakness of the thesis. ... I mention it but I don't put too much stress upon it because Catherine must do what Catherine must do; she is developing in her own admirable direction; and it's silly to ask her to go where she doesn't want to go." Ah, if only all my subsequent supervisors had come to the same conclusion. Grin.

And so, there it is. I shall write. About things and about ideas but most likely also with connection to how they intersect with my experience. Am I narcissistic? Or am I honest? I suppose you will decide. And I look forward to hearing your conclusions.